A Parents Role to Create a "Safe" Home.

The ideological home often represents a world where the family loves and accepts each other unconditionally. This home is a safe place for every family member. Unfortunately, the ideological home is often more theory than reality. Frequently, the family members of a home accept or reject one another based on the behavior displayed over the years of living together. The study of psychology teaches us that humans have an emotional need to feel accepted into groups, a theory known as the “Belongingness Hypothesis” (Leary). The emotional need to belong is just as important as other human needs such as food and shelter. This powerful emotional need of belonging can be fulfilled by groups of friends, co-workers or most commonly, the family. When a family does not understand or accepted other family members it may result in one spending a lifetime struggling to correct or reconcile the situation. For this reason, an important role of being a parent is to openly communicate their love and acceptance toward their children on a regular basis. Marilynne Robinson reveals the importance and need to be accepted by family in her novel Home by introducing the character Jack. The novel shows the struggles Jack goes through while attempting to gain family acceptance that was not provided when he was a child. An important lesson of the novel is without open communication from parents, family members may spend a lifetime in search of acceptance.

A person’s behavior forms strong opinions within families and can influence how they are accepted or rejected. Author Marilyn Robinson demonstrates this by creating the character Jack as a trouble making youth growing up in Gilead, Iowa. Jack often frustrates and disappoints his family by his actions. In one example “” Jack had been caught stealing, causing embarrassment for the family within the small community. This frequent behavior puts Jack in a position where he feels his parent’s disappointment and assumes his parents are not accepting of him as a sibling. The rejection is so emotionally straining on Jack that he returns home after 30 years in attempt to rectify the situation and seek acceptance by his father, Robert. In an effort to change the opinions other have of him, Jack shows a new level of personal responsibility by preforming helpful tasks around the home. Marilynne Robinson has Jack fixing the family’s old car and working in the garden as if he has matured into a responsible contribution individual. This change in his behavior is his attempt to convince his father his childhood’s bad behavior is something of the past and he now is a different person. In the novel, Marilyn writes about the love Robert always had for Jack but his love is not openly discussed or recognized by Jack. As a result, Jack continues to seek fulfillment of acceptance by his father not knowing the deep love that has always existed. This supports how important it is for parents to openly communicate to their family so their love and acceptance does not go undetected.

There are many unhealthy consequences when parents do not create a feeling of belonging within their family. This consequence is keeping secrets from others in attempt to prevent further judgment and possible rejection. Marilyn Robinson reveals protective behavior characteristic in Jack during several occasions. One example is when Jack withholds telling others about his love of an African American women and his son with her, in fear it might result in further alienation from his family. Marilyn’s novel creates situations where Jack and his father share their different opinions, some relating to racial issues. Marilyn does this by having the two debate on racial events being reported over their TV. This approach Jack takes allows him to see a glimpse of his father’s possible reaction to his own situation without having to risk rejection. A second secret Jack is very careful not to expose is an alcohol addiction he struggles with. These examples of keeping secrets shows how family members fear being rejected based on their behavior and opinions. As a reader of the novel, you become more aware of the destructive outcomes resulting from parents not fully accepting of family members. Jack’s personal need for acceptance is forcing him to keep secrets from his father and the result is mentally and physically hurting Jack. Robert love for Jack is shown in the book when stating “His father stepped back and looked at him (Jack) again. He wiped his eyes… But I knew I heard your voice and I couldn’t wait to get a look at you!”(Robinson, pg.32). Robert has no knowledge of Jack’s secrets and would likely support Jack if he knew because he has such a strong love for Jack as his son. Openly communicating to Jack his love and acceptance would likely reduce the destructive secrets being carried by Jack.

The novel Home is a story outlining the importance of feeling connected with family and the struggles one has when the connection is absent. In the novel, Marilyn reminds the reader that children must know a parent’s love and acceptance or a lifetime search for redemption could result. The need to belong is a powerful emotional need and without feeling fulfilled a child can spend a lifetime in search of this fulfillment. In Home, Robert held a deep love for Jack but his son did not recognize the love and a lifelong journey of seeking acceptance resulted from this. When parents express their love and acceptance openly, they provide reassurance to their children and as a result, their home & family become a safe place. Jack did not have this assurance and did not understand his father’s deep love for him. The consequence of Jack being rejected from his family was that he had a home, but his home was never a place he could call safe.

Works Cited

"Psychology Concepts." Psychology Concepts. N.p., n.d. Web. 04 Apr. 2016.

Robinson, Marilynne. Home. New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2008. Print.

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